Mr. Anand Kumar Keshavan, diagnosed at 57, is on the spectrum. As a person who has lived the majority of his life undiagnosed, and gone through innumerable hardships, thinking long term, he says, “Let’s not go down the path of neurotypical vs neurodivergent. We are all on a spectrum. It is not a racist thing”. It is interdependence that would serve the mutual interest of everyone.
By
profession, he is a software developer. He is also an author and has a keen
interest in music.
In a candid
conversation with Mr. Anand Kumar Keshavan.
1. When were you diagnosed? And how long
did it take for you and your family to come to terms with it?
I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome at almost 57 years
of age. My initial response was why was I not diagnosed much earlier. But
obviously there was not much research in those days. But once I was diagnosed,
and I came to terms with it, my life has improved a lot. Let me tell you … A
day before I was diagnosed, I used to smoke 30 cigarettes a day. I used to
smoke and drink. This is because I had severe social anxiety. I tried to quit
smoking many times and failed. The day I was diagnosed, I stepped out of my
therapist’s office and I have never touched a cigarette. It's been almost 5 years
now. So, in some sense, a diagnosis has changed my life positively. The
fact that now I know myself better now. Why I am getting anxious? Why I am
getting depressed? Because I am on the spectrum. There are situations where I
will be anxious. I will be prepared to deal with it. And, of course, in some
cases, I just try to avoid as much as possible. But if I have to go for the
occasion, I take an anti-anxiety pill and I am fine. I can handle the
situation. To that extent, the diagnosis was a boon. And also let me tell you, I
was diagnosed in February 2018. On March 23, I started jogging. I could do about 200 mts. I ran the Pune
marathon on Dec 1st 2019. I have participated
in 2 marathons and completed 10kms. I don’t run any longer, as I am getting
old.
2. How did you think of going in for a
diagnosis?
I had been reading about it for some time. The conditions
mentioned and a lot of my problems were similar. Normally, people consider 2 feet around them to be a
safe zone. For me, it is 5 or 6 ft. A
stranger comes into that space, I panic. So, for me, mundane
situations like lifts, aircraft are all difficult to handle. I used to feel
very uncomfortable in any social situation, such as parties and weddings. My
response would be to just get drunk somewhere and handle it.
I was going through a severe phase of depression and anxiety.
I actually went for therapy for that in October 2018. They diagnosed me in
February 2019. This is something my therapist recommended; I go in for a
diagnosis and see what comes of it. From a lot of our conversations, she felt
my being on the spectrum could be contributing to my depression and anxiety. Now,
it makes sense.
3. When did your family come to know
about it? And what was their response to your diagnosis?
Right away. It was difficult for them to accept the thought.
I was this kind of weirdo with alcohol problems. Eventually, they read about it.
And figured out, yes, the description fits with my life. Now, they have accepted it more or less. And
if I say that, look, I don’t want to go somewhere, they will not force me.
Earlier, they would say I am being anti -social. But now, they have accepted
that’s something I don’t want to do.
4. As far as your professional life
goes, how did that go?
I put it out almost immediately. Another thing that happened.
Around that time, I was running an independent business as a software
consultant. I enjoy writing code. That keeps me very happy. I went back to
being a computer programmer. I started looking out for jobs. I did not want the
hassle of running a business and dealing with all that goes on. I told my
prospective employers that I am on the spectrum. I got a job with a company
that has accepted me wholeheartedly. They gave me the space and took care of
what I needed. A private office to work with. Remember my five feet safe space
requirement? That was accommodation for me. I restarted my career; I started
working again. I mean, this is like a second career to me.
5. Are there other initiatives taken
by your organisation Postman to support ND individuals?
They are quite aware. And the HR team has a forum with a few
people on the spectrum.
6. In your opinion what can companies do
to improve support for neurodivergent individuals? What proactive measures can an
individual take?
This is something I have been talking to a lot of companies,
giving talks on the subject to HR people. The problems I have as a neurodivergent
individual may be different from that of another. They may have a
completely different accommodation requirement. As a proactive measure, it is
imperative to state you are a neurodivergent. Most HR organisations will
accommodate. After all, it is not very much. Some of us have problems with
sound. So just having a noise cancelling headphones might solve the problem.
Some have problems with smells, so don’t seat them near a washroom or
cafeteria. Yet another model is to work from home.
I think it is an awareness that is more important here. Most
people on the spectrum do not have physical problems. I do not have any
physical issues. The movies have associated disability with physical
impairments. And people end up carrying such impressions. The ability to
understand invisible disabilities is lacking. Yes, some people have
coordination issues, but again, it doesn’t mean they cannot work or
communicating. For instance, I have problems reading between the lines. If
somebody says something, and if they are not directly telling me, I have no
idea what it means. This has caused so many misunderstandings with my wife for
two years before we understood what was going on here. I was not listening. I
need direct communication here. These are things I have discussed with my
bosses and co-workers. So, this is not something very hard to accommodate.
Companies do far more to accommodate people with physical
disabilities.
7. It must have quite a struggle for
you, being diagnosed late and autism awareness lacking. Many situations in
life, not knowing what to do or how to do it. But also, there might have been
some strengths that helped you pull through.
Yes, my life had been very hard. There is no doubt about it. I
have some special abilities. My IQ is over 150. My father took me for the test, didn’t know why he did that. I was good
academically. Though I lost interest in studies. When I was around 16-17, I
thought I became a musician. I play multiple instruments like the piano and the guitar. I excel at mathematics. That makes me excellent at computer
programming. But that pretty much is how I have lived my life.
8. Talking of fathers, how do you think
you have fared as a father? Parenting has its own share of challenges.
It was very difficult for my family to deal with me. And for my kids, my reactions would be baffling, innocent, but unexpected. Lot of things like that. But now I have a diagnosis, they know what is going on and they are ok with it.
9. Do you work with any NGOs to promote autism awareness?
Though I would like to associate myself with a good NGO. I do longer have much energy left over from a day's work to undertake these things. I am getting older as well. But I would love to do something if time and health permits.
What are
the cultural and societal factors in India that we need to look into?
Acceptance is lot more than awareness?
At large, nobody knows anything about it. In the small world, bubble that we are living in, people are aware of it. But if you talk to your vegetable vendor, he has no clue. When I was a kid, my label was weirdo. That’s because that’s the only label they could figure out. In our society, autism is still considered as mental disorder. Rather than a difference in the wiring and connectivity process of the brain. We are as normal as everybody. We are all on a spectrum, just that we are at one end. Even neurotypicals have their own sets of problems and anxieties. They are genetically tailored better to handle the difficult situations, while we have a meltdown. I used to have many before, but have not had one for a long time now. A lot of “normal” people could have meltdowns too. Let us not polarise and divide between neurotypical and neurodivergent. It is happening a lot in many groups. NTs do that, do this… It's not a racism kind of thing.
It is going to be a very long process to educate people and
society. It starts from home and we need parents to play a big role, especially
with children. They should not hide it. There is nothing to feel bad about. I
didn’t feel bad at all, actually. It was such a liberating thing for me. I have
not hidden it at all.
Thank you for sharing your life story. It’s been truly
inspiring and humbling.
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